Suffering comes from Desire. I never realized it this way. I always had much compassion in my heart toward suffering and sufferers. I could never resist the need to help the wish to help even in the price of frustration when I could not. And simply could not figure out how come some people get such a great share of suffering while others seem to get only mild share of it or not at all. It seem a bit injustice to me.
When I was introduce to the side of suffering and not watching it from aside I did not spend my time asking why me. it seem pointless and cruel to even imagine that someone else deserve any form of suffering and I kept telling myself that I might get to share it so I can increase my understanding toward the suffering and also because I am so strong that probably I get a bigger share because only me can take it.
A very pride thought that kept me going for a while.One day it was over, I was lucky enough to free myself from pain and stress and whatever brought it and I was good as always , but I was not at peace. I decided to go on searching what or why did I manifest suffering into my life.telling myself I am needed out there with my work , telling my self I am tuned to do that sort of help and wish to do much of it, I could not imagine how with my open mind and psych I have permitted suffering to visit my life.And then I found a partly answer in the Buddhist scripts.
The source of suffering is desire. when you eager to get something weather you really need it or not, that where suffering starts. weather it is the desire to have it or hold to it weather its the fear to lose it if you got to get it or weather it is lost while you are not ready to let it go . it is all a gate for some form of suffering. That suffering can very from mental or emotional stress and up to real physical pain and disease. In my case it was realy funny how all came to pieces fast. a while before I got sick I was happily practicing the art of manifestation. I felt I figured it out as everything in my life went so smooth and easy. I wished things and they came, I was careful not to ask too much of personal favors as I focused on getting tools that will help me serve others but with time as things went so easily well I fail into bit of greed. I decided I will try to manifest a winning of lottery.
The entire sum I had plans to feed hungry people and for that I needed some extra finance. and then I felt that if I was a bit richer I could dedicate more time to help others for free and not being worried by bills. and then there was one place which offered a lottery of cars.
I already own a car but its kind of old and I felt maybe its time I will get me a new ride of comfort. You know once you start its hard to stop wishing. and then bam!! all of sudden things started falling apart. nothing went well any longer. money was lost. computer fell apart , cellulars shut down and my own body started betray me and I was getting sicker then ever. I still did not think about why me? I focused my entire mind on healing process but I promised myself if I work this through if survive this I will find what triggered it so I can alarm others not to fall like I did. But looking at the mirror today , after I have experience the lost of almost everything, and was left with only pure love, that was streaming at me from the most unexpected places I heard it loud and clear in the Buddhist scripts.
It is very likely that my own desire was failing me as if the universe pointing out to show me that I had already so many things and I still wished for more and thought me that sometimes no need for more, what you got is what you got and its a lot if you know how to look at it.so yes, desire is the source of all suffering and if you fell suddenly sick with no reason, if you find yourself tense stressed and in agony, even over broken heart, try to face it with courage, see where or which desire started it all and if it will not help you solve your suffering at least you will know why it is there and you will be able to react toward it with much less pain then before.May all being will be free of suffering and the free of suffering is traditional Buddhist wish and I allow myself to repeat it here for the coming of the New year.