Open Heart

Today I am remembering how I get bogged down making a decision because I forget to check it out with my emotions, my mind and my intuition. Emotions can be thought of as the heart. For example falling in love with another person  is all about the heart. If your gut tells you this is a great guy, you can definitely trust him and your mind tells you he is accomplished and doing well for himself you might feel as though you should choose him as a potential partner. But if your heart only feels lukewarm about him, it is likely you will always sense that there is something missing. This is likely to manifest itself as problems with intimacy and even revulsion.

If you choose a partner based only on the heart that is problematic. I see this kind of mismatch frequently. The intuition isn’t there to let you know whether or not he is trustworthy. And the mind isn’t there to assess whether he has qualities that you value for practical reasons. Poor partner choices based only on feelings are the number one reason that people come to me with problems in a relationship. If there is someone you are falling for because the chemistry is amazing do yourself a favor and dig deeper. If you don’t you may find yourself married to someone who is unable to commit, has addiction problems, or doesn’t have practical qualities which will help ensure your relationship can go the distance. Before you have decided that this guy is your forever soulmate it makes sense to trust in your hunches (gut) and check out on a practical level if he is a good fit for you (mind). The mind will tell you if you are a bit of a neat freak not to live with a guy who thinks it’s fine to come home and throw all his work clothes on the floor, have that bowl of ice cream and leave it on the bedroom counter and tell you he will take the trash out but never does. It might be petty, but the mind is right. He isn’t a good long-term fit for you even if you love him to pieces.

Ignoring intuition never makes sense when it comes to choosing a partner. If it feels a bit creepy that he is always bringing you flowers and seems to be too good to be true this is a red flag for a potentially abusive partner. If you have a hunch he is cheating on you it makes sense to check it out. If you have a feeling his mother dislikes you and he wants her to come and live with you don’t give in even if it feels like you are being unreasonable. Trust in your hunches. An exercise that is useful when making any decision is what does my wise mind tells me about this. What does my gut say about it and how does my heart feel about it.