The intoxicating State of Limerence
Limerence is that feeling of brand new love or infatuation. It is that feeling that you have met your soulmate. That you are obsessed with the object of your desire. You feel like you’re walking on air. Colors seem brighter. You smile at the world when you think of this person. And you cannot stop thinking about this person. There is a dispute about whether limerence is love, infatuation or its own animal. For purposes of this blog, it all depends. If it lasts and safely makes the transition to mature love, then it is love. If instead it fizzles out and exposes itself as an imposter then it is infatuation. It feels as if you need the object of your desire as much as the air you breathe.
The two of you feel as though nothing else matters. You can talk for hours and not grow tired of the conversation. You have discovered the one and all is right with the world. The trouble is that we are mere mortals and we cannot sustain the illusion of perfection for any length of time. Sex while in a state of limerence is wonderful. The idealization of the other is a sign of limerence. Men are just as prone to this state of mind as much as women, perhaps more so. Struck by cupid’s arrow, be careful not to walk naked into traffic as a bus is coming.
Limerence frequently causes us to behave in a most ridiculous manner. People have been known to forsake their families or jettison their careers under the influence of this culprit. When they wake up they feel lonely and lost or they start to take comfort in the company of their beloved as an imperfect but loving, caring human being. What can we do or say then that will help us make that transition to lasting love? Take things slow especially in the early stages of a relationship. Get to be friends before becoming intimate.
If you are patient, you are likely to survive as a couple for the long haul. Savour the time you do share together and don’t forget to spend time with your friends and family. Introduce your partner to your friends and family and notice how they perceive this object of your affection. Get to know their friends and family. This way you will get a variety of perspectives about your honey. If they try to keep you away from friends or family-beware!
That’s a sign that they are controlling and manipulative. Talk to your spirit guides to find the wisdom that will help you decide the best way to navigate the relationship. Communication is important-make sure you share your picture of a happy relationship and see if it fits theirs. If it doesn’t, take stock of the situation and decide whether or not to compromise or move on. Lastly, treat your partner the way you want to be treated- after all you have many lifetimes to be together.