Answer this: What is the similarity between a swimming pool and a good and lasting romance?
Huh? You are probably feeling puzzled and not a little frustrated by that comparison. The two are actually quite similar though.
A swimming pool is not an object that you can enjoy by itself. To be functional and safe, a swimming pool has to be filled with water – not vinegar, not olive oil but clean water, possibly chlorinated and up to the correct level for a fill, not too low and not too high. You would not want to dive into a pool filled with olive oil and you certainly would not benefit from diving into an empty pool.
The second thing you would need to enjoy a swimming pool is the ability to swim. Otherwise, you would be flapping around in water sucking it into your lungs and choking until you decided to get out and never go back in.
This is relatively simple. You only need a couple of items to make a swimming pool a thing of fun and happiness and they are readily available in stores and at your garden faucet.
Now, the more complicated question. The lasting romance thing. For that you would need an appropriate partner, someone you have strong feelings for, someone who has strong feelings for you. Now it gets even more complicated. You would need someone you can talk to, who has the ability to listen to you and understand your feelings. You would also be able to return the same to him or her. It’s called friendship. In addition, you would need to trust that person and that person would need to be able to trust you.
Finally, you would need to be sexually attracted to each other. Notice that I put this at the end because that’s where it belongs. Beginning a relationship with sex hardly ever leads to a lasting romance with love, friendship and trust. Just as you can’t begin a swimming pool by hosing water all over your back yard before you dig a hole and make it leak proof or trying to swim on the grass, you can’t have a lasting romance by scrambling everything up and doing the last first and the first last. It doesn’t work very well that way. Although you can begin with sex and in some cases work your way to trust and friendship, it does not hold together well and will usually fall apart in time. On the other hand, trust and friendship are great but without sex, it’s not a romance. It’s just trust and friendship.
With commitment to a person who you find sexually and psychologically attractive, who you genuinely want to understand and with whom you want to share a committed friendship too, you can have a lasting romance. It’s a lot of work though because unfortunately, the parts for this are not readily available in stores.