Abuse is not OK

I feel like this topic often gets overlooked because of other things going on around us. Society as a whole is focused on the big picture rather than what is going on behind closed doors. I went through a 10-year marriage of abuse both physical and mental. I kept it to myself that entire time, while others looked at us as the “perfect couple.”

The problem with being in the closet about abuse is that it builds walls that sometimes are hard to break down when you do finally decide to leave. It lowers self-esteem and if you have children around that see it causes them to have lower expectations in relationships when they are older. Abuse is not okay! By staying with someone that is abusive only enables them from seeking the help they need to stop. It allows their ego to feel they are in control and you are not.

Abuse is a dirty little secret that most women and men find embarrassing. People feel if they talk about it that they are looked down upon and that in some ways it is their fault. Abuse is a learned behavior that usually stems from a narcissist attitude. The abuser being the one that really feels out of control and low self-esteem that they have to break down the person that is more well rounded and stable. The abuse stems from jealousy and the inability to love oneself.

I just wanted to encourage those that are going through it to get help. I know that the abuser likes to apologize and sometimes cry and beg you to stay, but that is all manipulation. It is their way of staying in control at your expense. Any abuse, even just mental and emotional is just as dangerous as physical.

Sometimes the one abused ends up badly hurt or even dead. If you find yourself in this situation, please seek help. Life is too short to be with someone that does not value you in their lives. If you cannot do it for you, do it for your loved ones and especially your children that witness this on a daily basis. Walking away does not mean you don’t love the person, it means you value who you are!